Break!
by G3n3ralRedfield
Summary: One shot about Spencer Trevelyan's less than successful attempts to master the Reaver specialisation, and why Cassandra may hold the key to her finally getting it right...and the specialisation :)


BREAK

As Spencer Trevelyan hit the dirt for the third time in as many minutes, she couldn't help but think that this was the stupidest decision she had ever made! Stupider than agreeing to attend the talks at the conclave, stupider than letting herself fall for Cassandra 'I am the embodiment of the word control' Pentaghast, and yes…even stupider than challenging Iron Bull to a drinking competition.

 _Yes Inquisitor, of course you can choose a specialisation, we have three choices for you! You can become a hero, a gleaming beacon of hope for your army to follow, or you could become a Templar, yes the order is somewhat tarnished and you have to drink Lyrium but you could help rebuild it. Oh yes and if you are feeling particularly masochistic and stupid you can become a Reaver, channel your pain in battle to smite your enemies…the drawback of course is you have to be in pain to use it!_

 _What's that? Oh you'd love to learn the Reaver specialisation, what a_ _ **marvellous**_ _idea!_

Scowling outwardly at her sarcastic internal monologue, Spencer groaned and pushed herself to her hands and knees with difficulty. She wiped her overlong auburn hair out of her grey eyes on the shoulder of her shirt, grimacing at the mix of sweat, blood and Maker knows what else that it left on the tan material. Dimly, her hearing started to clear and she became aware of Bull's laughter, Cassandra's furious muttering and Breaker Thram's angry remonstrations.

"Get _up_ Inquisitor, this is _pathetic_ …you swore to see this training through and so far, I'm not impressed!"

Drinking the dragon's blood had been…unpleasant to say the least, not to mention the months of early mornings and physical training that left her _just_ this side of exhausted. But all of that was _nothing_ compared to this, compared to being broken in order to become the Reaver she wanted, needed to be. Absently she acknowledged that Lyrium drinking and having to listen to the chant daily would have been preferable to being repeatedly pounded into the dirt by a diminutive woman with a big stick. Not to mention it was _extremely_ embarrassing when she herself was armed with her beloved battle axes, Blood  & Guts. Spitting out a mouthful of blood and saliva, she hauled herself once more to her bare feet and readied her axes, nodding that she was okay to continue. To her left Cassandra threw her hands up in consternation at the Inquisitors stubbornness. Breaker Thram smiled tightly and without a word of acknowledgement launched into her attack, she may have been small of stature but the fury and power behind her attacks definitely belied that fact. At first Spencer's concentration was absolute, parrying the staff attacks and riposting with her own measured but powerful blows. It was much easier for her to move as the breaking itself required her to be clothed in only light trousers and shirt and barefoot. Swiftly she ducked another staff blow that would have likely taken her head off her shoulders, and swept her axe towards where Thram was, or more accurately where Thram had _been_ a second ago. Unable to compensate for the force behind the swing Spencer staggered forwards and straight into the end of the staff which collided painfully under her jaw. The blow lifted her clean off her feet and she felt the familiar weightlessness that came with unaided flight before she hit the ground powerfully, her breath stolen from her. Wheezing through the blinding pain in her jaw, the Inquisitor rolled over, surprised at the amount of blood pouring from her mouth. Her eye caught Cassandra's pained look and she attempted to smile reassuringly as she got her knees back under her. Seeing the Inquisitors attention was yet again taken away from the training she was supposed to be concentrating on, Breaker Thram scowled and decided to end this session once and for all. Bringing the staff around in a powerful arc she directed it at the Inquisitor's face, there was an almighty cracking sound as it impacted across Spencer's cheek and nose. The pain was secondary to the surprise as Spencer felt her body lift and spin before depositing her back on the blood stained compacted earth. She was barely conscious as she heard Thram's staff bounce onto the ground next to her, followed by the breakers angry voice.

" _ **Enough**_ …you aren't ready, maybe you never will be. Don't waste my time Inquisitor, either commit to this or give up, I don't want to see you again until you are willing to be broken!"

Those were the last words Spencer acknowledged before her battered body gave up and dropped her into unconsciousness. There was a moments silence as Thram waited to see if she would actually get an answer, realising the Inquisitor had passed out she swore under her breath and made to storm off. Cassandra sighed and moved forwards to aid the fallen Inquisitor, Thram's hand on her arm stopped her.

"You…talk to her, focus her mind."

Without another word she dropped the puzzled seekers arm and stalked off, watching the retreating Breaker's back, Cassandra frowned in confusion.

"What in the makers name does she mean by _that_!?"

Iron Bull laughed loudly as he moved past the bewildered seeker to haul his boss over his shoulder.

"I _could_ answer that, but you might not like what I have to say."

Shaking her head to dislodge the bizarre interaction, Cassandra followed after him, redirecting him with an arm on his elbow when he headed towards the new healers building.

"No, they can't take her in there, the soldiers just got back from Emprise Du Leon and there's no room. Take her up to her quarters and I'll see to her myself."

Bull laughed again and shook his horned head.

"And here you were saying you didn't know what the breaker was talking about!"

Cassandra's brow furrowed deeply in confusion as she tried to decipher his meaning.

"What do you mean by…oh, OH! You know very well I meant see to her injuries, not…see to her like that!"

Scowling angrily at the Qunari warrior, the former seeker stomped her way to the Inquisitors quarters muttering under her breath as she held open doors so Bull could follow her with the unconscious Inquisitor. Leliana watched them walk past and shook her head with a faint smile at the state of their leader; she would have to admit that Spencer Trevelyan was the most stubborn, persistent woman she had ever met. Nodding to Bull she sighed faintly and crossed her arms.

"Another failed breaking?"

Iron bull grinned widely.

"Yeah, the boss isn't giving up I'll give her that at least!"

Watching the seeker storm ahead to open the door that led to Spencer's private chambers, she raised a russet eyebrow and tilted her head in that direction.

"And Cassandra's reason for looking like Corypheus just showed up in her porridge?"

Eyes twinkling merrily, the Iron Bull paused to lean closer, knowing that despite _his_ amusement, neither the seeker nor his boss would appreciate him discussing them loud enough to be overheard by the court gossips that littered the Inquisition's grand hall.

"I think the breaker worked out one of the reasons the boss's attention isn't exactly on her training."

Leliana's smirk turned into a grin to match the Bull's and she nodded, most of the inner circle had noticed that Spencer went out of her way to please the seeker whenever she could. Not to mention the fact she wasn't so subtle when it came to her eyes wandering when they were out working. Cassandra _seemed_ oblivious, but that may well be feigned as opposed to genuine, there were some things Leliana knew about her best friend and others she wasn't sure of. One of the things she _was_ sure of though was Cassandra's dedication to duty above all else. Maybe, just maybe, Spencer's choice of the Reaver specialisation would have the fortunate side effect of bringing her closer to the lonely seeker.

"Well in that case, maybe you should take our wounded leader up to her quarters so she can be…tended to."

Bull grinned and headed off towards the door, ignoring Cassandra irritably questioning him as to his tardiness.

"Keep your breeches on Seeker; the boss isn't exactly a light load you know."

Not sure whether she should be offended on the Inquisitor's behalf but feeling so nonetheless, Cassandra sputtered angrily and led the way up to Spencer's rooms. After depositing the unconscious Spencer onto the dirty sheet Cassandra had lain across the bed to save the fancy blanket from bloodstains, Bull stretched.

"Now, are you okay with taking care of…this?"

He waved vaguely towards the mess that was Spencer's face. Cassandra waved him off absent mindedly as she set about gathering first aid supplies and potion bottles.

"Fine, I will see to our pig headed leader…hopefully this will make her reconsider her specialisation."

Bull laughed at the very idea that someone as stubborn as Spencer might go back on her decision. She hadn't backed down from taking the mages as an ally despite Cullen and Cassandra's objection's, she hadn't backed down from her decision to support Celene in Orlais despite the charmingly terrifying Leliana's objections. Against all that, he knew there was no way she would back down from this decision either. Sniffing he realised he could smell the dragon in her blood that was now running down his back and soaking into the waistband of his pants.

"Good, because I suddenly feel like visiting Dorian."

Aware of the somewhat licentious nature of the relationship between the Tevinter Mage and the Qunari, Cassandra grimaced and waved him off before he decided to share any more of that thought with her. His amused laughter lasted all the way down the stairs until the sound of the closing door finally muted it. Sighing heavily she took in the state of the Inquisitor; her nose was obviously broken as it canted heavily to one side now. Her jaw was crooked but didn't feel broken, once the blood was cleaned up and the first healing potion poured down her throat she started to look better. Deciding it would be better to set the nose before Spencer woke up, Cassandra reached out and placed both hands either side of the crooked cartilage. Which was exactly the point that Spencer decided to wake up; groaning slightly the Inquisitor lifted a hand and spoke blearily…and not a little nasally.

"What are you doing?"

Cursing under her breath, Cassandra cleared her throat and spoke carefully; making sure to keep any and all emotion out of her voice, _duty came first_.

"I'm about to set your nose Inquisitor, it would have been better if you'd stayed asleep a little longer…believe me."

Spencer's eyes widened dramatically and she lifted both hands to try and stop the inevitable.

"No wait, maybe we should ju…"

Cassandra sharply and accurately snapped the bone back into place before abruptly letting go and backing out of the way. As expected, the stream of curses that flew out of the Inquisitors mouth were loud enough to disturb the Rooks in Leliana's lair and coarse enough to make Cassandra blush. Eventually they died down enough for the seeker to get a word in edgewise, Spencer flopped back on the bed, wordlessly accepting the cloth she was handed to staunch the flow of the blood.

"Need I ask how you are feeling Inquisitor?"

Scowling at the faintly mocking tone, Spencer grumbled as she mopped at her still dripping nose.

"How many times have I asked you to call me Spencer…the whole damn world calls me Inquisitor, the least I can expect is to hear my friends call me by my name and not my title?"

Shifting awkwardly Cassandra cleared her throat.

"Well I…it's just not really proper, I am a soldier in your army, you are my commander."

Sighing in disappointment, Spencer hurled the rag onto the floor and forced her-self to sit upright.

"I thought we were at least friends Cassandra, even if…"

Trailing off the Inquisitor sighed again, this time with sadness as opposed to frustration, sadness caused by that conversation they'd had recently on the battlements. The conversation where all her hopes and dreams had been quite effectively dashed by the very woman currently sat taking care of her. Unsure what to say Cassandra passed her another healing potion, after a moment's hesitation Spencer took it with a mumbled thanks and swallowed it down. The last of the sharp pain finally receded to a dull roar as her jaw straightened out and the bleeding stopped altogether. After another few awkward moments passed Spencer finally spoke, her voice more or less normal now the worst of her injuries had healed.

"Thanks for…ya know, dragging my stupid self up here and patching me back together."

The Inquisitor's characteristic mumbling and awkwardness now they were alone brought an unbidden genuine smile to the seekers face.

"Actually it was Bull who did the dragging…but you're welcome. I just don't see why…"

Before she could start the same familiar lecture the Inquisitor had heard far too many times in the last month, Spencer held up a hand.

"I know okay, I know what you're going to say and I'm not going to have this argument again. This is the specialisation I chose and this is the one I intend to master regardless of the pain I am currently in."

Sighing heavily, Cassandra threw her hands up in a gesture all too familiar to the Inquisitor, especially as it was only ever _her_ the seeker seemed to use it on.

"Then can you at _least_ take it seriously! It is…demoralising for the…the troops, to see their commander being continually beaten down…upsetting and demoralising."

Her protest was rambling now and she realised her hands were betraying her by twisting around each other nervously; it wasn't the men who found it upsetting…it was _her_ , Spencer just wished she knew why exactly. Was it because she indeed found it demoralising, or was it because, despite what she'd said that day on the battlements, she cared? Sighing again spencer levered herself off the bed, staggering slightly as she stood upright, Cassandra was immediately at her side to support her.

"You should be resting; you just got your ass handed to you again by the Breaker."

Huffing irritably Spencer made it as far as the sofa and collapsed onto it before letting her head thump back and her eyes close.

"I'm aware of that, believe me I am…I just wish she hadn't asked _you_ to be her witness."

She trailed off guiltily at that confession and watched the seeker swallow slightly. Before she could say anymore Cassandra straightened up and brushed her hands on her trouser legs.

"I see, well if you don't need anything else I should…"

Blanching guiltily, Spencer abruptly spoke up before the seeker could finish her sentence and leave.

"Wait, that came out wrong…well, I mean it came out right but, I should explain it I guess."

Cassandra said nothing more, but she didn't move to leave either and Spencer took that as a good sign and carried on with her stumbling explanation.

"Okay, I just meant that you're one of the only people I can't hide from, even if I wanted to I couldn't; you just seem to make me…honest…also, if I'm honest, it's kind of embarrassing to have you watch me get beaten so often"

She smirked slightly at that, as the Spencer Trevelyan she had been before the mess at the conclave would _definitely_ have found that amusing. Cassandra paused for a moment then settled next to the injured Inquisitor carefully. Not without a certain amount of trepidation, she laid a nervous hand over Spencer's loosely fisted one that rested on the couch. Knowing the next move was hers, she fought against her ingrained sense of duty before finally giving in and speaking haltingly but honestly.

"I agreed to her request because I _wanted_ to be there, for you yes, but also for me. I have to admit I don't understand why of all the specialisations on offer you chose this one. It's just so dangerous compared to the others…but I didn't want to _not_ be there for you…if you needed me."

Frowning slightly, Spencer turned her hand over and taking a chance splayed her fingers out, she interlaced them with the seekers, hoping she wouldn't pull away. For a moment Cassandra stiffened and it looked like she might do just that…but then she relaxed and tightened her grip on the Inquisitors hand. Enjoying the small concession of affection from the usually rigid seeker, Spencer knew her next question could ruin it, but she had to ask anyway.

"Why though? I mean I get that you wanted to be there for me but… _Why_ , given what we spoke about, I figured you wouldn't want to risk me getting the wrong idea again, especially when there are other warriors like Cullen or Blackwall who could have been there?"

Feeling flustered, Cassandra avoided Spencer's eyes as she tried to articulate herself without compromising her emotions or principles. Just as she was about to reiterate that it was her duty to be at her commanders side, to ensure she was the best she could be, Spencer spoke again, her normally confident voice now uncharacteristically weak.

"Please…just be…honest with me?"

Unable to turn away from the truth yet again especially in light of Spencer's vulnerability, Cassandra swallowed heavily and felt her internal guard drop completely.

"Because…because if something happened to you and I wasn't there I would never forgive myself! Because I _hate_ you risking yourself for me and the rest of the Inquisition by putting yourself through this training. Becau, because as much as I've tried to deny it and fight it… _I love you!_ Even though you are _the_ most infuriating woman I have ever met with the most inappropriate sense of humour for a noble and…

She was interrupted in her tirade as Spencer surged forwards and kissed her, it wasn't the passion fuelled kiss the Inquisitor wanted it to be because…because this wasn't _about_ passion, it was about so much more. Cassandra allowed her-self to be gently pushed back into the plush sofa's cushions as her lips moved seamlessly with Spencer's soft ones. After a while the Inquisitor pulled back and rested her forehead on the seekers before smirking.

"You know, you had me at infuriating."

Rolling her eyes fondly at the remark, Cassandra nonetheless smiled happily.

"And _there's_ the inappropriate sense of humour."

Ducking her head shyly, spencer rubbed the back of her neck and shrugged helplessly.

"I can't help it; it's in my very nature to be inappropriate! At least for you I _try_ not to be…honestly."

Cassandra rested a hand gently on the Inquisitors still healing cheek and let out a breath.

"On the battlefield you're still my Commander, when we're out there its business as usual, it _has_ to be that way for an army to operate efficiently."

Trying not to roll her eyes at the seekers practical frame of mind and the fact she'd only managed to push it aside for all of three minutes, Spencer pursed her lips in thought before nodding in agreement.

"That sounds fair, but when we're up here?"

Lips twitching in the beginnings of a smile, the Seeker leaned forward and stole a quick kiss before replying huskily.

"Up here we're Spencer and Cassandra…two ridiculously stubborn women…"

Spencer grinned and interrupted.

"Two ridiculously _hot_ stubborn women."

Chuckling at the Inquisitors irrepressible sense of humour, the seeker nodded her agreement.

"As you say, two incredibly hot stubborn women who are working out how to be with each other."

Spencer smiled crookedly and squeezed the hand that was still tightly held in hers.

"I guess I can live with that deal, now all I have to do is master this stupid fighting style and that Darkspawn freak of nature Corypheus won't stand a chance."

Sighing ever so slightly, Cassandra decided to force an answer out of the Inquisitor as to the reason for her choice of specialisation. Well, maybe not force but definitely force the issue.

"So, why _did_ you choose the Reaver specialisation? I'm not asking because I think you should change, I'm just curious as to why you chose this specifically."

Given how honest Cassandra had been with her, and that she had finally gone against all her ingrained instincts to put duty first, Spencer felt the least she could do was repay that honesty with some of her own.

"Well it was easy really, we don't _need_ another Hero, you're our Hero, it's how you have lived your entire life."

Cassandra opened her mouth to object that she wasn't the only one performing heroic feats but Spencer spoke first.

"I know you consider I am too because of the anchor…but that wasn't something I chose, it was something that chose me. I have done my best to live up to what is expected of me because I had no choice, no one else can do this, only I can close those breaches."

Taking a moment to force her mind to remain on track and _not_ make a crack about closing _breeches_ of another kind, the Inquisitor bit her lip and carried on with her explanation.

"So, yeah, I'm doing a hero's job but only because it was chosen _for_ me, you chose your path voluntarily and that's what makes you a true Hero. And as for Templar training, considering Corypheus's ability to call to anyone with the taint or connected to Lyrium, well, I think the word suicidal comes to mind! And again, Cullen is our Templar; we needed something else, something powerful, something…more than heroic. Being a Reaver will be…difficult, but when I'm out there sealing those tears in the sky I need to know that when the enemies are multiplying, when it truly looks like things are about to crush me, that I can find that part of me that will fight on, regardless of my own injuries. I need to know I have the training to get the job finished, to protect the world…to protect _you_."

Finishing softly she lifted their joined hands to her lips and placed a chaste kiss on the seekers knuckles. Cassandra sat quietly, letting the Inquisitors words sink in, understanding them…and suddenly understanding what Breaker Thram had meant when she had told Cassandra to focus the Inquisitors mind. Clearing her throat the seeker nodded slightly and spoke softly.

"Well then, next time it feels like you can't go on, like Thram has taken everything from you but you cannot connect with the dragon within…think of _that_ world."

Spencer blinked slightly before coming out with a less than intelligent grunt.

"Huh?"

Rolling her eyes, the seeker held up their hands to emphasise her point.

"You're saving the world out of duty, but this, us, _our world_ , that won't be here anymore either, so _stop_ thinking about the world, about your duty…and think of _this_."

Spencer frowned as she took it in, it made sense really…if she died that would suck, sure, if the world was ripped apart that would be _monumentally_ sucky…but those things were things she felt she HAD to protect. Cassandra, or more accurately, their burgeoning relationship, was something she _wanted_ to save…desperately. Frown turning into a smirk the Inquisitor let out a surprised breath, who knew it was that easy!

"Okay, I think I can do it…no, I know I can."

Unable to think of any words adequate enough to express her gratitude for the clarity the seeker had just granted her, Spencer leaned forward for another soft kiss. The soft kiss soon turned into a more passionate one, mouths giving way as hesitant but questing tongues touched for the first time…which ended abruptly as the seekers nose bumped into Spencer's still sore, healing one. With a muted curse the Inquisitor pulled back blinking tears of pain from her eyes, grimacing guiltily, Cassandra passed her a clean cloth to catch the freshly falling blood before remarking drily.

"Maybe we should take it a little easy until you're feeling better huh?"

Displaying all the maturity of a twelve year old, Spencer pouted irritably even as she nodded her agreement. Cassandra laughed softly and pushed the matted hair out of the Inquisitors eyes.

"I promise we'll make up for it later, in the meantime you _really_ need a bath, and _I_ need to go and check on things in the war room."

Grumbling agreement, the Inquisitor followed her down the stairs to the main hall where she could request a bath tub be made ready for her. Cassandra turned to her as they reached the door and stopped Spencer with a hand placed on her abdomen; the Inquisitor raised her eyebrows questioningly.

"I just wanted to ask you one last thing?"

Given the serious tone Cassandra had assumed, Spencer mentally braced her-self for any number of requests as she nodded her acquiescence.

"Just _how_ hard was it for you not to make a joke about torn breeches during that speech you gave earlier?"

Blinking in shock for a moment, Spencer let loose a laugh before admitting freely.

"Andraste's tits, you have _no idea_ how hard!"

They were still laughing as they walked out into the main hall, unaware of two people watching them closely as they moved off to their respective destinations. To the untrained eye they looked the same friends they had always been, to Varric and Leliana's _trained_ eyes however, the lingering touches and last glances over shoulders spoke volumes. Swearing, the dwarf handed over a handful of silver to the smirking spy master, he'd been _sure_ it would take at least one more unsuccessful breaking for them to get their heads out of their asses!

 _Sooo yeah, I'm back, things have been a tad complicated (to say the least) for the last year or so but I'm finally in a place where I don't consider everything I'm producing to be absolute crap. I mean it may well be crap but at least I'm confident to put it up now lol. And yes I am still working on my other stories I just wanted to put out a couple of independent things away from my main stories. I needed to flex my creative muscles to check they hadn't completely atrophied and as they haven't…keep your eyes peeled for updates on Going Loopy and Skating on thin ice. Also I may dabble more in the DA world as I love writing for these characters as well._


End file.
